I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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