So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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