while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
