So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize