the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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