We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
