I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
