My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
where are my eyebrows?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
