he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
