she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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