My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
