I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
