sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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