hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
