Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
