??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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