So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
