I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize