Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
