Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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