Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
