I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
