I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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