cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
