Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
