Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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