hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
