Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
