party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
