I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
