Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
