Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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