I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
