There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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