How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
