i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
jump out the window naked night went bad
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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