FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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