I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize