oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
