There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
