He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize