Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Don't make out with my wife yet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
