Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
