I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize