May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
