He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
