can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
