I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
