i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
