Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
