I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
