Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize