Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
