dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
