I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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