Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
