I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
