i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
