Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
