Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize