Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
