it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
should my penis look like a turkey
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
