All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Drunk is not a location!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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