Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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