I hate all girls vehemently.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
