just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
