dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
