Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize