Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just invented taco cereal.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
