I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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