the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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