I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
