I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
