sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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