like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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