BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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