dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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