If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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