are you so shy because you have an std?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
