haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
