I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
