I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
