I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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