I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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