White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
