I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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