My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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